It seems that I have been focusing a lot of my blogging energy lately on food. Perhaps it is because it is harvest time and my squirreling senses are tingling hourly. Or perhaps it is because my love of good, healthy food is some what of an obsession.
There is a time when food thoughts do cease and my mind stretches to try and grasp all of the other craziness floating around in this head of mine.
Truth is lately I have been thinking about fear. My fear. Fear mongering. Fear manipulation. You know- Fear.
Growing up I was consumed with fear. Fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of loss… I could honestly keep going, but you get the drift.
So when I decided to make the shift from fearing almost everything to hopefully, eventually, fearing nothing, I set out on a journey that is now revealing itself. The truth is: when I leave fear behind things can get pretty darn good.
In 2006, after finding the strength to end a physically and emotionally abusive relationship I chose to take simple steps in my life to eliminate fear.
Fear had held me back from myself for way to long.
After taking a good look at why I was so fearful the answer was easy- I was bombarded with the subtlety of fearfulness at every turn. Whether it was through the media I chose to listen to, the people I chose to listen to, or simply the voice (not voices) inside my own mind, fear was everywhere. And I was first in line to buy into it.
Now before you think I am going to get too prolific or Ranty on you, I promise I won’t. I am going to go easy on you. See I’m not a preacher or a motivational speaker. To put it simply, I had a revelation a few years ago. I realized that the fear that I had bundled up inside of me really was holding me back. So I stopped second guessing my every move, I made a plan and I followed through with it.
Some say all of the decisions I started making were because I have an A type personality. Some say it is because of their coaching. But the honest reason was because I finally decided to give myself a break. I took out all of the unnecessary what ifs (but kept the necessary ones) and I started taking calculated chances.
Calculated chances are different than the old “take a chance and see what happens” chances. They are the ones that tend to have a rational, positive outcome as long as you are willing to put in a lot of hard work.
I wrote a list. Really I did. I had goals. It was a really long list and I have managed to check off a few of the things I wanted to accomplish, along with many I didn’t even think of.
Here is a snapshot of what I have done in the last 2.5 years:
Hosted a radio show
Had my writing published
Sat on 3 separate Boards- one Coop and two non-profit societies
Stood on a stage and had a chat with 10,000 people without peeing myself
Bought my very first vehicle by myself
Published a book (not of my own stuff… yet)
Graduated from College
Had major surgery
Wrote a speech for the Premier of B.C.
Learned how to plan major events
Got to use an exclamation point in a government news release
Aced a job interview
Worked in my first job where tips weren’t an option
Did yoga
Got on an airplane
Married the man of my dreams
Moved from the West Coast to the East
Learned how to survive with the support of my tiny little family
Learned what it is like to be lonely
Learned how to make friends
Planted a garden
Built a bus shelter, a play house, a wood shed, a chicken coop, a turkey coop and a few fences
Plumbed in a dishwasher
Poured a cement foundation for a fireplace
Removed and replaced a floor
Painted 7 rooms
Pulled carpet
Volunteered at my children’s school
Took some guitar lessons
Learned how to knit
Learned how to bake bread
Learned how to make and preserve jams and jellies
Learned how to listen a little better
Raised chickens and turkeys
Harvested chickens and vegetables
Drove a steam roller
Paved my own driveway
Started a business
Learned first aid
Picked mushrooms
Trained a dog
Used a chainsaw
Started playing tennis
Had my first ever theatre audition… and nailed it…
And that is just a small fraction- these are the things that come to mind while I am sitting here.
Now I don’t consider myself in any way to be an extraordinary person. I do consider myself lucky to have realized that I had been holding myself back by feeding into a funny little fearful feeling.
I started with a list of what I wanted to accomplish ,and now it has come full circle. I am writing a list, though rather condensed, of what I have accomplished to date. And it ain’t half bad.
My goal with sharing this little tidbit is the hope that someone reading this will chose to take out a little bit of the fear in their life. Perhaps it is a fear of meeting new people, eating new foods or just getting out of bed. Because if someone as average and consistently wacky as me can do it I am pretty sure that anyone can!
There is a time when food thoughts do cease and my mind stretches to try and grasp all of the other craziness floating around in this head of mine.
Truth is lately I have been thinking about fear. My fear. Fear mongering. Fear manipulation. You know- Fear.
Growing up I was consumed with fear. Fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of loss… I could honestly keep going, but you get the drift.
So when I decided to make the shift from fearing almost everything to hopefully, eventually, fearing nothing, I set out on a journey that is now revealing itself. The truth is: when I leave fear behind things can get pretty darn good.
In 2006, after finding the strength to end a physically and emotionally abusive relationship I chose to take simple steps in my life to eliminate fear.
Fear had held me back from myself for way to long.
After taking a good look at why I was so fearful the answer was easy- I was bombarded with the subtlety of fearfulness at every turn. Whether it was through the media I chose to listen to, the people I chose to listen to, or simply the voice (not voices) inside my own mind, fear was everywhere. And I was first in line to buy into it.
Now before you think I am going to get too prolific or Ranty on you, I promise I won’t. I am going to go easy on you. See I’m not a preacher or a motivational speaker. To put it simply, I had a revelation a few years ago. I realized that the fear that I had bundled up inside of me really was holding me back. So I stopped second guessing my every move, I made a plan and I followed through with it.
Some say all of the decisions I started making were because I have an A type personality. Some say it is because of their coaching. But the honest reason was because I finally decided to give myself a break. I took out all of the unnecessary what ifs (but kept the necessary ones) and I started taking calculated chances.
Calculated chances are different than the old “take a chance and see what happens” chances. They are the ones that tend to have a rational, positive outcome as long as you are willing to put in a lot of hard work.
I wrote a list. Really I did. I had goals. It was a really long list and I have managed to check off a few of the things I wanted to accomplish, along with many I didn’t even think of.
Here is a snapshot of what I have done in the last 2.5 years:
Hosted a radio show
Had my writing published
Sat on 3 separate Boards- one Coop and two non-profit societies
Stood on a stage and had a chat with 10,000 people without peeing myself
Bought my very first vehicle by myself
Published a book (not of my own stuff… yet)
Graduated from College
Had major surgery
Wrote a speech for the Premier of B.C.
Learned how to plan major events
Got to use an exclamation point in a government news release
Aced a job interview
Worked in my first job where tips weren’t an option
Did yoga
Got on an airplane
Married the man of my dreams
Moved from the West Coast to the East
Learned how to survive with the support of my tiny little family
Learned what it is like to be lonely
Learned how to make friends
Planted a garden
Built a bus shelter, a play house, a wood shed, a chicken coop, a turkey coop and a few fences
Plumbed in a dishwasher
Poured a cement foundation for a fireplace
Removed and replaced a floor
Painted 7 rooms
Pulled carpet
Volunteered at my children’s school
Took some guitar lessons
Learned how to knit
Learned how to bake bread
Learned how to make and preserve jams and jellies
Learned how to listen a little better
Raised chickens and turkeys
Harvested chickens and vegetables
Drove a steam roller
Paved my own driveway
Started a business
Learned first aid
Picked mushrooms
Trained a dog
Used a chainsaw
Started playing tennis
Had my first ever theatre audition… and nailed it…
And that is just a small fraction- these are the things that come to mind while I am sitting here.
Now I don’t consider myself in any way to be an extraordinary person. I do consider myself lucky to have realized that I had been holding myself back by feeding into a funny little fearful feeling.
I started with a list of what I wanted to accomplish ,and now it has come full circle. I am writing a list, though rather condensed, of what I have accomplished to date. And it ain’t half bad.
My goal with sharing this little tidbit is the hope that someone reading this will chose to take out a little bit of the fear in their life. Perhaps it is a fear of meeting new people, eating new foods or just getting out of bed. Because if someone as average and consistently wacky as me can do it I am pretty sure that anyone can!
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